Ten Commandments for Day Drinking

With Memorial Day coming up this Monday, we thought it would be appropriate to outline rules for day drinking…assuming most of our readers will be doing just that on Sunday and/or Monday.

1. Thou shalt not skip mealsYou most definitely don’t want to be the first person to pass out. Eating a balanced meal before beginning to drink is key.

2. Drink water. Don’t fight it. You want to make it all day? Drink water early and often.

3. Thou shalt not visit the ATM. Set aside bar money before you start drinking. Otherwise you’ll end up regretting the unnecessary $300 withdraw the next morning.

4. Thou shalt not take shots. Unless you want to blackout, these are completely uncalled for while drinking all day.

5. Dress appropriately. Two words of advice when picking out your outfit for the day – drinking room.

6. Thou shalt not mix alcohols. If you do, it will not end well. 

7. Charge thy phone. You don’t want to be stranded at the end of the night with a dead phone. Trust me.

8. Keep thy wallet/phone/money/ID on you at all times. When drinking all day, it is very easy to lose track of these items. Be sure to keep them in a clutch, purse or pocket.

9. Thou salt not take a nap. YOU WILL NEVER WAKE UP. Well at least in time to continue drinking. And if you do, you’ll be crabby and no one will want you around.

10. Thou shalt not bring additional alcohol to the bar. You will be drinking enough all day, and as much as your drunk self might disagree, it is not a good idea to go to the bathroom and take pulls from your secret stash at any point in the day.

Things You Should Be Too Old For In Your Mid 20s

Even though this list is true, it sure as hell doesn’t stop us from committing these mid-20s sins. Someday we will grow up. Or at least I keep telling myself that…

Things you should be too old for in your mid-20s:

1. College parties. Going back to campus for Spring Jam, Homecoming and random frat parties is no longer okay.
2. Eating foods like smiley fries, Spaghettios and dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.
3. Taking pictures with bottles of booze. Or pictures of you and your friends taking shots.
4. Wearing clothes you’ve had since high school.
5. Pulling an all-nighter during the week for any reason.
6. Wasted Wednesdays.
7. Having a weird obsession with teeny bopper celebs like Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato and the entire cast of Pretty Little Liars.
8. Crying at the bar.
9. Going to work hungover or – even worse – still drunk from a casual weekday happy hour.
10. Having mom schedule your doctor/dentist/eye appointments.
11. Day drinking just because you have no other weekend plans (it is ok to day drink for sporting events, holidays or beach days).
12. Wearing temporary tattoos on a casual basis.
13. Drinking boxed wine or wine coolers. Let’s be honest, I know both 15 and 50-year-olds who drink these.
14. Visiting the dentist once every three years.
15. Puking on the side of the road on the way home from the bar at midnight, and losing your phone in the phone in the process.
16. Smoking because it looks cool.
17. Drunk dials.
18. Leaving the house with wet hair.
19. Plastic and/or mismatched dishes, glassware, flatware, etc.
20. Dying your hair an unnatural color (i.e. hot pink).
21. Blackouts. Seriously, you should be able to control your drinking by now…