Ten Commandments for Day Drinking

With Memorial Day coming up this Monday, we thought it would be appropriate to outline rules for day drinking…assuming most of our readers will be doing just that on Sunday and/or Monday.

1. Thou shalt not skip mealsYou most definitely don’t want to be the first person to pass out. Eating a balanced meal before beginning to drink is key.

2. Drink water. Don’t fight it. You want to make it all day? Drink water early and often.

3. Thou shalt not visit the ATM. Set aside bar money before you start drinking. Otherwise you’ll end up regretting the unnecessary $300 withdraw the next morning.

4. Thou shalt not take shots. Unless you want to blackout, these are completely uncalled for while drinking all day.

5. Dress appropriately. Two words of advice when picking out your outfit for the day – drinking room.

6. Thou shalt not mix alcohols. If you do, it will not end well. 

7. Charge thy phone. You don’t want to be stranded at the end of the night with a dead phone. Trust me.

8. Keep thy wallet/phone/money/ID on you at all times. When drinking all day, it is very easy to lose track of these items. Be sure to keep them in a clutch, purse or pocket.

9. Thou salt not take a nap. YOU WILL NEVER WAKE UP. Well at least in time to continue drinking. And if you do, you’ll be crabby and no one will want you around.

10. Thou shalt not bring additional alcohol to the bar. You will be drinking enough all day, and as much as your drunk self might disagree, it is not a good idea to go to the bathroom and take pulls from your secret stash at any point in the day.

Advertisements

How to Feel Happy Right Now

Snow got you down? Here are some things that should make you smile…

1. Watch this video. Thanks for sharing, Nicole.

2. Look at Ryan Gosling.

Screen Shot 2013-04-10 at 9.22.15 AM

3. It’s a proven fact that it’s impossible not to smile while looking at Donald Driver’s smile.

Screen Shot 2013-04-10 at 9.25.28 AM

4. An Argentinian man who thought he bought a pair of poodles at an outdoor market in Buenos Aires brought them home to the vet only to be told they were actually ferrets on steroids. The veterinarian informed him the ferrets “had been given steroids at birth to increase their size and then had some extra grooming to make their coats resemble a fluffy toy poodle,” the paper says, translating a report from a local Argentinian TV station. He paid $150 per poodle. That could be you, but it’s not.

5. Read the comments in this recipe for ice.

6. Not only the thought of Blake Shelton singing at Kelly Clarkson’s wedding, but now that he’s actually officiating the entire thing.

7. At least you’re not this girl…

8. Look at the website Parents Shouldn’t Text.

9. There is a social network just for cats called Catmoji. “Catmoji is the best place for cat lovers to meow, share and discover cat pictures and videos.”

10. The Chickeneers’ All-Clucking Version Of “Ho Hey”

If those aren’t enough reasons to smile and be happy, here is a list of health benefits of smiling.

So hopefully you have some reason to be happy now! Have a fabulous day, friends 🙂

8 Reasons St. Patrick’s Day is Awesome

Growing up, my mom made St. Patrick’s Day a big deal in our house. Even though we aren’t one drop Irish she went all out – forcing us to eat corned beef and cabbage, making us green 7up and giving us little gifts. So you can see why I grew up loving this holiday. Here are my top eight reasons why St Patty’s Day is one of the best days of the year.

The Color Green – There are infinite shades of green so this color looks good on everyone. And for someone with red hair like me, all of the shades look amazing.

Shamrock Shakes – This glorious snack is only available during the St Patty’s day season and I will never understand why. EVERYONE LOVES THEM. And if you don’t love them, you’re crazy. Maybe it’s the limited availability, the minty goodness or that it gives you an excuse to go to McDonald’s every week – for whatever reason, Shamrock Shakes rock and you can’t argue with that.

Nail Decals – Shamrocks are probably the cutest shape ever. And you know what makes them cuter? When they are mini and on your nails, obviously.

Food – Potatoes are one of my favorite foods and nothing is more Irish than a potato (besides cabbage maybe, which is just gross). You can use this holiday as an excuse to eat potatoes all day. Baked potatoes, breakfast potatoes, green mashed potatoes…the list goes on and on.

Green Beer – Enough said.

Themed Socks – Step in to any general store and you are bound to find dozens of shamrock printed socks in all sorts of patterns. My mom is a huge fan of St Patrick’s Day socks, so you can bet I get a new pair every year – and for that I will be forever grateful.

Face Tattoos – See explanation for “nail decals.”

PARTIES – Every Irish wannabe uses St Patrick’s Day as an excuse to  start drinking at 9 a.m. and not come home until the wee hours of the morning. Need I say more on why this is the best day ever?

And here’s my obligatory warning – stay safe this weekend, kids. Don’t drive drunk. Don’t get roofied. And don’t do a power hour with one other person in the corner halfway through day drinking, or you’ll end up like this hot mess below:

shamrocks