April 2013 – awkward vodka

Cowboy Slims, RIP

One of our favorite places of all time is now closed. Cue the tears. So it’s about time we honor beloved Cowboy Slims by describing our top 5 favorite things about the sacred place, complete with pictures to illustrate the amazing times we had.

1. Sunday Funday

One of Cowboy Slim’s most redeeming qualities was its patio. The patio made this the perfect place for day drinking, especially on a Sunday when the liquor stores are closed. We had many a Sunday Funday at the bar which in turn, left us with many Sunday Funday memories. Some include going there to drink on Easter, because, why not? Changing outfits with S in the bathroom, because, why not? Handing out my business cards to strangers in an attempt to get more Twitter followers, because, why not?

2. Holidays

No matter what the holiday, you could usually find us at Cowboy Slims at some point in the day. Case and point: Easter (see above). But most holidays we liked to celebrate at Slims were themed. This was because people there didn’t judge you for showing up in a huge Kentucky Derby hat (Cinco de Mayo/Derby Day), gorilla masks with alien and statue of liberty costumes (Halloween), shamrock shorts, glow sticks and temporary tattoos (St. Patrick’s Day). If anything, these crazy costumes made us the most popular people there. Or at least that’s what drunk me likes to remember…

3. Celeb sightings

Okay, so maybe the word celeb is a stretch here – but it never stopped me from stalking one of my favorite basketball players of all time. This is probably my most memorable, and most missed, part about Cowboy Slims. He would often show up, looking as handsome as ever, and I could spend hours (or at least three drinks) creepily staring at him from afar. The best was when he would bring his other bball buddies – the more eye candy the better. Okay, so you can’t see him in this pic, but he was right behind our booth out by the bonfire this night. Trust me.

4. Food

OH MY GOD THE FOOD. Queso dip. Fish tacos. Tots. BRUNCH. Need I say more? The food here was amazing and we will never be able to find a place that has all this greasy deliciousness all day every day. RIP. Sorry, we aren’t those kind of people who take pictures of food, so the one below will have to do. Madam Zora knows all – especially how good the food was.

5. Shots

Whisky shots, tequila shots, multiple rounds of cherry bombs with mom (not to mention her continuously sending K up to the bar with her credit card to keep ’em coming) – shots were a staple for any day or night at Slims. Once again, no one here judged you for taking three different kinds in one night. Or taking a tequila shot at 2 p.m. Or getting bombed with your mom off shots after a 5K, still wearing glow sticks and neon yellow t-shirts. Cowboy Slims was our favorite place to take shots, and now it’s no more.

However, not everything about this place was perfect. There is one thing that stands out from everything else that could ruin a super fun night at Slims in a moment: BITCHES IN THE BATHROOM. God, they were the worst.

Why I Want to be Mindy Kaling’s Best Friend

I loved her on The Office. Her book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns), is hilarious. The Mindy Project is one of the best shows on TV right now. And I want to be her best friend for the following reasons:

1. She met Clay Matthews. He was a guest on Mindy Project a couple weeks ago. I would love to meet Clay Matthews. Yum.

2. She’s smart. Not only are her tweets super insightful (see below), but she wrote on The Office, wrote a book and now writes her own show – The Mindy Project. She’s just super talented and really humble about it, which is awesome.

3.She’s sassy. She said this about her own book: “This book will take you two days to read. Did you even see the cover? It’s mostly pink. If you’re reading this book every night for months, something is not right.”

4. She drinks too much at inappropriate times. This one Tweet told me we would be best friends for life.

5. She has good taste in men.

6. She has really cool friends.

7. She gives great advice: “Always Wear Flats and Have Your Friends Sleep Over: A Step-by-Step How-To Guide for Avoiding Getting Murdered”

8. She has great taste in music. That wrap party is something I needed to be invited to – Gold Digger is the best Kayne West song.

9. She likes breakfast sandwiches. Which means she has great taste in food because breakfast sandwiches are delicious.

10. She’s relate-able. Who doesn’t have a photo like this somewhere hiding in their parents’ house? However, most of us will never have it published on the back of a book.

11. She’s just so funny. Watch this interview. She’s hilarious.

Happy Hour: The Republic

I’ve been mourning the loss of The Independent in Uptown for over a year now. It was my fave place. Great drink specials, a long beer list, delicious food, fun atmosphere…

Finally, The Independent has been replaced by The Republic – another awesome place with great drink specials, a long beer list, delicious food and a fun atmosphere. Now I’m not a big beer drinker. I prefer vodka. But I’ve heard from my beer-loving friends that The Republic has a great beer list. The Vodka Diet Cokes are strong and perfect.

If you feel like being fancy, like I did the first time I went there, try one of their specialty cocktails. I had the Italian Greyhound – red berries infused vodka, grapefruit and Campari. Do I know what campari is? Nope. But the red berries infused vodka was so refreshing.

Happy Hour is 4-6, which is the only annoying part of The Republic. How annoying are happy hours that only last until 6? Don’t they know that some of us work until 5:30 and others work in the burbs and have to drive back into the city for happy hour? Happy hours that last until 6 usually involve me running into the bar and ordering and chugging as many drinks as possible in 15 minutes – no one enjoys that. So stop ending happy hour at 6! Rant over.

Guys. The food at The Republic is so delicious. My favorites are the fish tacos and the grilled vegetable plate. Ever since Cowboy Slims was leveled (RIP), I’ve been searching for my new favorite fish tacos. The Republic wins! I definitely suggest you order the fish tacos. Other favorites from my friends: Fish & Chips, Spinach & Artichoke Dip, Sweet Potato Fries and any burgers.

Want to play a fun game after you’ve been happy hour-ing for a couple hours? Order the grilled vegetable plate and convince friends to eat bites off the jalapeno peppers. I did that last time I was there and won two free drinks – thanks Jay.

Have you been to The Republic before? What’s your fave thing to order?

Why I Love 25.

I have a lot of friends who have turned 25 and feel super old. Now I did have a minor quarter life crisis – of course – but I love 25. And here’s why…

1. I can be selfish – with my time and with my money. No kids, spouses or in-laws to take care of. Spending $50 at happy hour and stumbling home at midnight on a Wednesday? Why not!

2. I can still go to college bars. Disagree? Fine. I won’t invite you to come out with me. There are plenty of 25-year-old grad students who always go out to college bars so leave me alone to my cheap drinks and kids with fake IDs.

3. I can spend an entire Saturday catching up on TV shows because I don’t have any other commitments that aren’t bail-able.

4. I sleep fairly well. No worries about the kids running around or babies screaming or aches and pains (usually).

5. It sounds mature (spoiler: it’s not that mature). Saying I’m 25 is one of the only things I can do that makes me sound really grown up.

6. There are a lot of really fun blog posts all over the internet about 20-somethings. Gotta love reading about myself. I’m so scared to hit 30. There aren’t any fun blog posts about 30-somethings…

7. It may not be ok to get crazy, embarrassingly drunk, but, when you do, you can hide really easily. You don’t have a ton of roommates or live in the dorms AND you don’t have a spouse and kids running around to take care of all day. You can just turn off all the lights and watch TV while trying to forget you acted like a 21-year-old the previous night.

8. You don’t have kids yet – blah. scary. gross – but 25 is old enough to have at least one friend with a baby for you to play with.

9. Friends are getting married = Bachelorette parties are awesome.

10. It’s still – kind of – socially acceptable for your parents to buy you groceries when they visit you. But only if they offer…

Things You Should Be Too Old For In Your Mid 20s

Even though this list is true, it sure as hell doesn’t stop us from committing these mid-20s sins. Someday we will grow up. Or at least I keep telling myself that…

Things you should be too old for in your mid-20s:

1. College parties. Going back to campus for Spring Jam, Homecoming and random frat parties is no longer okay.
2. Eating foods like smiley fries, Spaghettios and dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.
3. Taking pictures with bottles of booze. Or pictures of you and your friends taking shots.
4. Wearing clothes you’ve had since high school.
5. Pulling an all-nighter during the week for any reason.
6. Wasted Wednesdays.
7. Having a weird obsession with teeny bopper celebs like Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato and the entire cast of Pretty Little Liars.
8. Crying at the bar.
9. Going to work hungover or – even worse – still drunk from a casual weekday happy hour.
10. Having mom schedule your doctor/dentist/eye appointments.
11. Day drinking just because you have no other weekend plans (it is ok to day drink for sporting events, holidays or beach days).
12. Wearing temporary tattoos on a casual basis.
13. Drinking boxed wine or wine coolers. Let’s be honest, I know both 15 and 50-year-olds who drink these.
14. Visiting the dentist once every three years.
15. Puking on the side of the road on the way home from the bar at midnight, and losing your phone in the phone in the process.
16. Smoking because it looks cool.
17. Drunk dials.
18. Leaving the house with wet hair.
19. Plastic and/or mismatched dishes, glassware, flatware, etc.
20. Dying your hair an unnatural color (i.e. hot pink).
21. Blackouts. Seriously, you should be able to control your drinking by now…

How to Feel Happy Right Now: Part 2

Looked outside my window this morning and decided a “Part 2” was necessary….

1. Screaming animals are hilarious.

2. My favorite article on Buzzfeed is 35 Reasons to Have Children. It’s the best. Read it and you will burst out laughing.

3. Feel good story: Many husbands send roses to their wives on special occasions, but one Army officer went a step further by enlisting more than a dozen strangers to help deliver his bouquet.

On his flight home from Afghanistan a week after his 20^th anniversary, Scott Hinson enlisted 19 fellow passengers to give his wife a rose as they got off the plane.

Her husband delivered the 20th rose.

4. I challenge you to look at this without smiling…

5.I know that this video is about 50 years old, but I can’t watch it without smiling at least a little bit.

6. Happy Thought: Snow is a great excuse to curl up on the couch in sweatpants and eat a whole bunch of comfort food – just because! You won’t have this opportunity (without feeling guilty) for at least a couple months…

7. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are still together. Is it just me or is that super exciting because I expected their relationship to last 5 minutes. I hope they have a baby soon…

8. DISNEY MUSIC!

9. Actresses Without Teeth.

10. Lastly, follow this Twitter account: @GhettoHikes

What are you going to do today to make yourself laugh?

How to Feel Happy Right Now

Snow got you down? Here are some things that should make you smile…

1. Watch this video. Thanks for sharing, Nicole.

2. Look at Ryan Gosling.

3. It’s a proven fact that it’s impossible not to smile while looking at Donald Driver’s smile.

4. An Argentinian man who thought he bought a pair of poodles at an outdoor market in Buenos Aires brought them home to the vet only to be told they were actually ferrets on steroids. The veterinarian informed him the ferrets “had been given steroids at birth to increase their size and then had some extra grooming to make their coats resemble a fluffy toy poodle,” the paper says, translating a report from a local Argentinian TV station. He paid $150 per poodle. That could be you, but it’s not.

5. Read the comments in this recipe for ice.

6. Not only the thought of Blake Shelton singing at Kelly Clarkson’s wedding, but now that he’s actually officiating the entire thing.

7. At least you’re not this girl…

8. Look at the website Parents Shouldn’t Text.

9. There is a social network just for cats called Catmoji. “Catmoji is the best place for cat lovers to meow, share and discover cat pictures and videos.”

10. The Chickeneers’ All-Clucking Version Of “Ho Hey”

If those aren’t enough reasons to smile and be happy, here is a list of health benefits of smiling.

So hopefully you have some reason to be happy now! Have a fabulous day, friends 🙂

Happy Weekend!

Be Safe. Make Good Choices.

ACMs Drinking Game

The ACM Awards are this Sunday evening at 7:00 p.m. Nothing goes as well together as drinking and country music, so get your booze ready, put on those cowboy boots and play this game on Sunday night.

…Also be prepared to call in sick on Monday morning…

If you’re skeptical about spending an evening watching country, take a look at the hosts – the manly, hot hot hot Blake Shelton and sexy, sexy Luke Bryan.

Now that I’ve given you a good enough reason to watch the action, here are the rules…

Drink every time:

Blake Shelton talks about The Voice

Blake/Luke take a dig at Carrie Underwood/Brad Paisley

Someone says y’all

Someone talks about drinking

A winner thanks God

Luke/Blake make fun of someone in the audience

Someone performs in a cowboy hat

There’s a great view of Luke Bryan’s ass

It’s obvious that someone is giving a speech drunk

The camera pans to an unimpressed T. Swizzle

Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert look adorable together

Hunter Hayes reminds you of a country Justin Bieber

If you’ve never heard one of the songs being performed

Hard Liquor Rules:

If Miranda Lambert wins anything, take a shot of whiskey

If Eric Church wins anything, take a jag bomb

If Taylor Swift wins anything, chug a soda

If Blake Shelton wins anything, take shots until you’re bombed and then start Tweeting your thoughts about life

If Carrie Underwood wins anything, play slap the bag with a bag of wine

Finish your drink:

When you see someone with a drink in his/her hands

Just for fun, my predictions are Miranda Lambert for Female Vocalist of the Year, Blake Shelton for Male Vocalist of the Year and Taylor Swift (should be Luke Bryan…) for Entertainer of the Year.

What do you think? Not that it matters since you’ll most likely be blacked out by the time these awards start…

Just a Typical Wednesday Night…

Ever have one of those nights you just don’t want to be responsible?

Well, that was last night for us girls at Awkward Vodka. But that really wasn’t our intention at all. Our plan was to go for a walk – Happy (late) National Walking Day, friends – and then go check out the movie Spring Breakers. Sounds like a nice low-key night, right? We started the evening off with a walk – win! But after that is when things started to downward spiral… We has plans to meet our friend S over at Whole Foods to grab dinner at the salad bar because sometimes we pretend to be healthy. And they have the best salad bar in town, hands down.

While waiting for S, we decided to stop over at the Liquor store because… why not? It has been a long week and everyone deserves a glass of wine, especially after an intense walk around the lake.

Did you know they made wine juice boxes? They do! Introducing Bandit wine. Is it amazingly delicious? Mmm not really. It’s ok. But look how convenient? It looks just like that coconut water you can buy in mini boxes, but is way better because it’s alcoholic – duh. And guess what? Whole Foods sells that coconut water – so if we ended up bringing them with us to the store, no one would notice, right? Next think you know, we’re buying three of them and heading over to the salad bar.

After filling our salad containers to the brim, we sat in the eating area of grocery store surrounded by people, stealthily drinking our juice boxes and eating our yummy salads. See the awesome photo below documenting our delicious BYOB dinner? And please note the amazing Katniss braid in the background.

After slamming our “juice boxes” and salads, S realized she left her wallet at work. Our next planned course of action was to go play darts, so before that we had to stop back at the office pick up her forgotten wallet.

While there, we obviously had to leave notes and “really difficult” scavenger hunts for everyone with office supplies – you’re welcome, girls. We hung out for a bit before realizing this is the last place we want to be after work hours so we left…not before stealing some yummy candy from the candy jar and dropping off our spare change in the Monocle Fund of course!

The time was creeping closer to our normal 9:00 p.m. bedtime, but by now we were feeling rebellious so instead of darts, we went to check out a new bar in Uptown Minneapolis – Morrissey’s Irish Pub. I’m cautiously optimistic this place could be a new Cowboy Slims (RIP). My only concern is that it doesn’t seem like the type of place to place country music… However, they did have delicious Vodka Diet Cokes – YUM!

So takeaways from #WastedWednesday:

Buy Bandit wine. It tastes ok, is fairly cheap and can easily hide in your purse.
Avoid work after hours. It’s fun for about 5 minutes and then gets sad and boring.
If you live in the Minneapolis area, check out Morrissey’s Irish Pub in Uptown on Lake St.

Hope you also had a fabulous Wednesday evening!