March 2013 – Page 2 – awkward vodka

Things I Pretend to be Good At

1. Golfing

I used to take lessons but the truth is I’m awful. But what better way to get boys to like you than saying you’re good at playing golf? I’m sold.

2. U.S. History

Industrial Revolution? Of course I know when that started and why it affected so many Americans…

3. MLB stats

I’m constantly trying to beat my brother in “who knows more about major league baseball.” I’m confident in my claims which wins me a fight here and there – but in truth, I’m always making it up.

4. Singing

I love to critique The Voice contestants like I know what I’m talking about or that I could be any better – when in reality, I’m not even close.

5. Being a “foodie”

I like to sound smart and cultured by telling people how much I love foie gras and ceviche, but the truth is I hate it. Actually, the real truth is I’ve never tried those kinds of foods before. I just like people to think I have.

6. Hairstyling

I swear in a second life I was a cosmetologist. I LOVE doing hair, makeup, nails, etc. and I especially love doing those things on other people. So of course I’m going to talk myself up and convince my friends to leave their physical appearances in my un-trained hands.

7. Weigh lifting

I think it’s really cool when people can life a lot of weight. So I like to brag and say I can bench 70 lbs. Easy.

8. Painting nails

Often times I offer to paint people’s nails because I love it and find it oddly therapeutic. However, I am awful at it. Especially when I’m drunk. But you know what? I could care less how other people’s nails look, so I lie and say I’m good at it.

9. Artsy movies

I watched Blue Valentine and that’s about as far as my indie movie repertoire extends. But I would never really let anyone know that…

10. Politics

Who really knows what Joe Biden does every day? No one. How about Condoleeza Rice? I can’t even spell her name. And is she still part of the president’s cabinet thing? I love gays and that’s about all I know about politics.

“The iPod Game”

I love drinking games. Well I love games in general, so turning non-drinking games into drinking games is a favorite past time of mine.

If you’re looking for a chill night out, don’t play this game. It’s been known to cause people to pass out, pants-less, before 10 p.m. (you’re welcome, you-know-who).

iPod Game Rules

Turn your iPod on shuffle. This works best with an iPod full of random music – lots of different genres.

Once your iPod is ready, the first person makes a rule. Here are some examples:

If the next song is sang by a girl, all the girls take a drink
If the next song is country music, everyone who likes country has to take a drink
If you know all the words to the next song, give out a drink
If you danced to the next song at a high school dance, take a drink
If the next song has a word in a foreign language in the title, everyone who has been out of the country, take a drink
If you’ve seen the next band live, take a drink

Now, these are all fun and great, but when you drink a little too much, you start making rules like this:

If the next song has words, [Call-Out Individual Friend] takes a shot
If the next band has ever sang live, everyone takes shots

As you can see, this game will start a drunk fast. I warn you – if you want all your friends to make it out, don’t play this game. However, if you’re looking for a fun, drunk time, play on!

If you’re competitive and need to know who’s the winner, play this game. It’ll be fairly obvious at the end who is the winner and who loses.

*Also works with iTunes on a computer if you trust your computer around your drunk friends.

Summer Nights: Playlist

Days like today, it’s important to remember that summer is just around the corner. And what screams summer more than country music? Here are the top 10 country songs that will transport you to summer after a quick listen…

10. Eric Church – Drink a Little Drink

9. Luke Bryan – Drunk on You

8. Randy Houser – How Country Feels

7. Josh Turner – All Over Me

6. Billy Currington – Good Directions

5. Florida Georgia Line – Cruise

4. Zac Brown Band – Knee Deep

3. Rascal Flatts – Summer Nights

2. Kenny Chesney – Summertime

1. Little Big Town – Pontoon

*Disclaimer: This post was written by Sarah. Kait has horrible taste in music and hates country, and Ray is only slowly beginning to listen to this fantastic genre.

An Open Letter to Day Drinking

Dear Day Drinking,

Why do you tempt me every weekend day I have no plans? Just because I don’t have something scheduled, doesn’t mean my time wouldn’t be better spent doing laundry, going grocery shopping, working out or cleaning my apartment. I could even do something fun like shopping or TV binging, but no – day drinking always wins.

The only thing worse than the guilt you come with is the eating. Why do you make me crave taco bell, pizza, McDonalds, bags of chips, popcorn, ice cream, etc.? Day drinking, I gave up pizza for Lent. Do you know what you made me do? Eat pizza.

I’m 25 years old. On Saturday mornings, my Facebook should be full of nothing. Or posts about being pregnant or getting married, but no, it’s full of evidence of you, Day Drinking. You. What self-respecting 25-year-old woman posts this on her Facebook page on a Saturday morning:

So, Day Drinking, stop being such a tease. Leave me alone – get out of my life.

Why can’t I quit you?

Love Always,

Me ❤

Signs You Are a Struggling 20-Something

1. You bring a flask to the bar. Or better yet, a “water” bottle.

2. You don’t learn from your mistakes. Your life is a constant pattern of going out and drinking too much, being extremely hungover, swearing you’ll never drink again and then repeating the next weekend – or the next night.

3. Saturdays and weeknights consist in TV binging. You watch the whole first season and 15 episodes of the second season of Scandal in one week.

4. You have tank tops, sweaters, pants with holes in them. You then refuse to buy a new $12 tank top because you’re “broke,” but you still spend over $50 on drinks on a random Sunday afternoon. That’s enough for about 10 hole-free tank tops…

5. You buy the same exact things at the grocery store each month because you know what you like, are cheap, and are too afraid to experiment (especially if you are only cooking for 1).

6. You get a haircut once a year and visit the dentist every other. You have better things to spend your time and money on, like buying a new dress or a case of wine.

7. You don’t own a library card and have no intention to get one anytime soon, let alone be able to tell a stranger where the nearest library is.

8. It’s embarrassing how much celebrity gossip you know in comparison to what is actually going on in the world.

9. You still get a $20 bill from your grandma on very important holidays like Halloween, Valentine’s Day and Easter.

10. That $20 bill doesn’t go towards your student loans, but instead towards the expensive kind of beer for the weekend – Miller Lite.