#FirstWorldProblems

I have a lot of grievances right now. They are as follows…

  • I don’t want to work out today.
  • My oranges have been really hard to peel lately.
  • I forgot my lunch at home and don’t know where to go and get lunch – order Jimmy Johns again or walk across the street and get soup. It’s so cold outside, but I just had Jimmy Johns last week…
  • I need to get an oil change. I don’t want to take the time or spend the $20 to get one.
  • My to-do list is too long.
  • I don’t have time to go shopping for new clothes. Or just random crap from Target.
  • My legs are sore from step class.
  • There is snow on the ground. I even like snow, but it’s too much. I’d like spring please.
  • I don’t have a Vodka Diet in front of me right now.
  • It’s only Wednesday.
  • All my clothes broke my closet. The pole that holds up my clothes fell down, and I haven’t taken the time to fix it. Let’s be honest – I probably won’t until right before I move out – a year or two from now.
  • I haven’t been to yogurt lab in a month.
  • There has been a super cute dress sitting in my closet for a month, but it’s too cold to wear it right now.
  • I don’t have time to catch up on all my TV shows.
  • My favorite boots are ripping at the bottom. Stupid, cheap Target boots.
  • There is a rumor that the dumbass Vikings are going to pick up one of my favorite Packers – Greg Jennings. He carries our team on his back.
  • Pretty Little Liars and The Lying Game were both stupid last night.
  • My office is cold, and I forgot my sweater.
  • Day drinking this weekend in celebration of my Irish heritage is going to cost me money and probably make me hungover.
  • My contacts hurt my eyes.
  • I still feel guilty about eating too much last weekend.
  • I need to be invited to an event where it’s appropriate to wear Jennifer Lawrence’s Oscars dress.
  • My favorite jeans are ripping.

Shit My Grandma Says

I love my grandma. She’s the best and totally crazy. She loves tequila, taco dip and playing cards. I love visiting her. I stayed with her this past weekend, and, immediately after I walked into the door, she told me to “get the blender out!” We made margaritas and taco dip – ate and drank all of it before like 3 p.m. Here are some of my favorite one-liners from my favorite 81 year old…

I talk to myself in German all the time and just think “how did they come up with this stupid sounding language.”

Germans are fat and greedy.

Hide the tequila. We don’t need nosy women yapping about my margarita consumption “problem”

Drinking dulls your brain.

What’s the tweeter and why do people care what we’re doing.

If you complain enough you’ll eventually get what you want.

I don’t read. I watch the tube. Reading is worthless. So is arithmetic.

I gave up chocolate for lent, but sometimes you just have to make a pan of brownies and eat the rest of the raw batter.

I don’t like SNL. Especially when they make fun of presidents. Don’t they have enough problems.

I prefer just pouring a glass of vodka and ice to going anywhere for happy hour.

Life is hard. Been there, done that.

“I won the first two games of cards! And now I can’t win” – Me. “The Early Bean Freezes!” – Grandma

Random screams in German while losing at cards.

Ring of Fire

The game I love, but everyone else seems to hate: Ring of Fire, Kings Cup, whatever you want to call it…

Easy to play! Take a cup, put it in the middle of the tables and spread cards around the outside of it. Then each person picks a card, counter-clockwise around the table. Here isScreen Shot 2013-03-05 at 9.26.58 AM what each card means:

2 – You

3 – Me

4- Whores

5 – 5-Fingers or I never

6 – Dicks

7 – Heaven

8 – Pick a Date and they have to drink with you every time you drink until the next 8 is pulled

9 – Rhyme

10 – Categories

Jack – Make your own rule

Queen – Question Master

King – Kings Cup: pour some of your drink in to the cup in the middle. The last person to pull a king has to drink the entire cup.

Ace – Waterfall: everyone starts drinking at the same time and stops one at a time, starting with the person who picked the ace.

This game is so fun. If you’re playing with a lot of people, add another deck!

What’s your favorite drinking game?

Things I Pretend to be Good At

golfing

1. Golfing

I used to take lessons but the truth is I’m awful. But what better way to get boys to like you than saying you’re good at playing golf? I’m sold.

2. U.S. History

Industrial Revolution? Of course I know when that started and why it affected so many Americans…

3. MLB stats

I’m constantly trying to beat my brother in “who knows more about major league baseball.” I’m confident in my claims which wins me a fight here and there – but in truth, I’m always making it up.

4. Singing

I love to critique The Voice contestants like I know what I’m talking about or that I could be any better – when in reality, I’m not even close.

5. Being a “foodie”

I like to sound smart and cultured by telling people how much I love foie gras and ceviche, but the truth is I hate it. Actually, the real truth is I’ve never tried those kinds of foods before. I just like people to think I have.

6. Hairstyling

I swear in a second life I was a cosmetologist. I LOVE doing hair, makeup, nails, etc. and I especially love doing those things on other people. So of course I’m going to talk myself up and convince my friends to leave their physical appearances in my un-trained hands.

7. Weigh lifting

I think it’s really cool when people can life a lot of weight. So I like to brag and say I can bench 70 lbs. Easy.

8. Painting nails

Often times I offer to paint people’s nails because I love it and find it oddly therapeutic. However, I am awful at it. Especially when I’m drunk. But you know what? I could care less how other people’s nails look, so I lie and say I’m good at it.

9. Artsy movies

I watched Blue Valentine and that’s about as far as my indie movie repertoire extends. But I would never really let anyone know that…

10. Politics

Who really knows what Joe Biden does every day? No one. How about Condoleeza Rice? I can’t even spell her name. And is she still part of the president’s cabinet thing? I love gays and that’s about all I know about politics.

“The iPod Game”

I love drinking games. Well I love games in general, so turning non-drinking games into drinking games is a favorite past time of mine.

If you’re looking for a chill night out, don’t play this game. It’s been known to cause people to pass out, pants-less, before 10 p.m. (you’re welcome, you-know-who).

iPod Game Rules

Turn your iPod on shuffle. This works best with an iPod full of random music – lots of different genres.

Once your iPod is ready, the first person Screen Shot 2013-03-05 at 8.13.38 AMmakes a rule. Here are some examples:

  • If the next song is sang by a girl, all the girls take a drink
  • If the next song is country music, everyone who likes country has to take a drink
  • If you know all the words to the next song, give out a drink
  • If you danced to the next song at a high school dance, take a drink
  • If the next song has a word in a foreign language in the title, everyone who has been out of the country, take a drink
  • If you’ve seen the next band live, take a drink

Now, these are all fun and great, but when you drink a little too much, you start making rules like this:

  • If the next song has words, [Call-Out Individual Friend] takes a shot
  • If the next band has ever sang live, everyone takes shots

As you can see, this game will start a drunk fast. I warn you – if you want all your friends to make it out, don’t play this game. However, if you’re looking for a fun, drunk time, play on!

If you’re competitive and need to know who’s the winner, play this game. It’ll be fairly obvious at the end who is the winner and who loses.

*Also works with iTunes on a computer if you trust your computer around your drunk friends.

Summer Nights: Playlist

Days like today, it’s important to remember that summer is just around the corner. And what screams summer more than country music? Here are the top 10 country songs that will transport you to summer after a quick listen…

10. Eric Church – Drink a Little Drink

9. Luke Bryan – Drunk on You

8. Randy Houser – How Country Feels

7. Josh Turner – All Over Me

6. Billy Currington – Good Directions

5. Florida Georgia Line – Cruise

4. Zac Brown Band – Knee Deep

3. Rascal Flatts – Summer Nights

2. Kenny Chesney – Summertime

1. Little Big Town – Pontoon

*Disclaimer: This post was written by Sarah. Kait has horrible taste in music and hates country, and Ray is only slowly beginning to listen to this fantastic genre.

An Open Letter to Day Drinking

Dear Day Drinking,

Why do you tempt me every weekend day I have no plans? Just because I don’t have something scheduled, doesn’t mean my time wouldn’t be better spent doing laundry, going grocery shopping, working out or cleaning my apartment. I could even do something fun like shopping or TV binging, but no – day drinking always wins.

The only thing worse than the guilt you come with is the eating. Why do you make me crave taco bell, pizza, McDonalds, bags of chips, popcorn, ice cream, etc.? Day drinking, I gave up pizza for Lent. Do you know what you made me do? Eat pizza.

I’m 25 years old. On Saturday mornings, my Facebook should be full of nothing. Or posts about being pregnant or getting married, but no, it’s full of evidence of you, Day Drinking. You. What self-respecting 25-year-old woman posts this on her Facebook page on a Saturday morning:

Screen Shot 2013-03-04 at 2.55.36 PM

So, Day Drinking, stop being such a tease. Leave me alone – get out of my life.

Why can’t I quit you?

Love Always,

Me ❤