awkward vodka

Things You Should Be Too Old For In Your Mid 20s

Even though this list is true, it sure as hell doesn’t stop us from committing these mid-20s sins. Someday we will grow up. Or at least I keep telling myself that…

Things you should be too old for in your mid-20s:

1. College parties. Going back to campus for Spring Jam, Homecoming and random frat parties is no longer okay.
2. Eating foods like smiley fries, Spaghettios and dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.
3. Taking pictures with bottles of booze. Or pictures of you and your friends taking shots.
4. Wearing clothes you’ve had since high school.
5. Pulling an all-nighter during the week for any reason.
6. Wasted Wednesdays.
7. Having a weird obsession with teeny bopper celebs like Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato and the entire cast of Pretty Little Liars.
8. Crying at the bar.
9. Going to work hungover or – even worse – still drunk from a casual weekday happy hour.
10. Having mom schedule your doctor/dentist/eye appointments.
11. Day drinking just because you have no other weekend plans (it is ok to day drink for sporting events, holidays or beach days).
12. Wearing temporary tattoos on a casual basis.
13. Drinking boxed wine or wine coolers. Let’s be honest, I know both 15 and 50-year-olds who drink these.
14. Visiting the dentist once every three years.
15. Puking on the side of the road on the way home from the bar at midnight, and losing your phone in the phone in the process.
16. Smoking because it looks cool.
17. Drunk dials.
18. Leaving the house with wet hair.
19. Plastic and/or mismatched dishes, glassware, flatware, etc.
20. Dying your hair an unnatural color (i.e. hot pink).
21. Blackouts. Seriously, you should be able to control your drinking by now…

How to Feel Happy Right Now: Part 2

Looked outside my window this morning and decided a “Part 2” was necessary….

1. Screaming animals are hilarious.

2. My favorite article on Buzzfeed is 35 Reasons to Have Children. It’s the best. Read it and you will burst out laughing.

3. Feel good story: Many husbands send roses to their wives on special occasions, but one Army officer went a step further by enlisting more than a dozen strangers to help deliver his bouquet.

On his flight home from Afghanistan a week after his 20^th anniversary, Scott Hinson enlisted 19 fellow passengers to give his wife a rose as they got off the plane.

Her husband delivered the 20th rose.

4. I challenge you to look at this without smiling…

5.I know that this video is about 50 years old, but I can’t watch it without smiling at least a little bit.

6. Happy Thought: Snow is a great excuse to curl up on the couch in sweatpants and eat a whole bunch of comfort food – just because! You won’t have this opportunity (without feeling guilty) for at least a couple months…

7. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are still together. Is it just me or is that super exciting because I expected their relationship to last 5 minutes. I hope they have a baby soon…

8. DISNEY MUSIC!

9. Actresses Without Teeth.

10. Lastly, follow this Twitter account: @GhettoHikes

What are you going to do today to make yourself laugh?

How to Feel Happy Right Now

Snow got you down? Here are some things that should make you smile…

1. Watch this video. Thanks for sharing, Nicole.

2. Look at Ryan Gosling.

3. It’s a proven fact that it’s impossible not to smile while looking at Donald Driver’s smile.

4. An Argentinian man who thought he bought a pair of poodles at an outdoor market in Buenos Aires brought them home to the vet only to be told they were actually ferrets on steroids. The veterinarian informed him the ferrets “had been given steroids at birth to increase their size and then had some extra grooming to make their coats resemble a fluffy toy poodle,” the paper says, translating a report from a local Argentinian TV station. He paid $150 per poodle. That could be you, but it’s not.

5. Read the comments in this recipe for ice.

6. Not only the thought of Blake Shelton singing at Kelly Clarkson’s wedding, but now that he’s actually officiating the entire thing.

7. At least you’re not this girl…

8. Look at the website Parents Shouldn’t Text.

9. There is a social network just for cats called Catmoji. “Catmoji is the best place for cat lovers to meow, share and discover cat pictures and videos.”

10. The Chickeneers’ All-Clucking Version Of “Ho Hey”

If those aren’t enough reasons to smile and be happy, here is a list of health benefits of smiling.

So hopefully you have some reason to be happy now! Have a fabulous day, friends 🙂

Happy Weekend!

Be Safe. Make Good Choices.

ACMs Drinking Game

The ACM Awards are this Sunday evening at 7:00 p.m. Nothing goes as well together as drinking and country music, so get your booze ready, put on those cowboy boots and play this game on Sunday night.

…Also be prepared to call in sick on Monday morning…

If you’re skeptical about spending an evening watching country, take a look at the hosts – the manly, hot hot hot Blake Shelton and sexy, sexy Luke Bryan.

Now that I’ve given you a good enough reason to watch the action, here are the rules…

Drink every time:

Blake Shelton talks about The Voice

Blake/Luke take a dig at Carrie Underwood/Brad Paisley

Someone says y’all

Someone talks about drinking

A winner thanks God

Luke/Blake make fun of someone in the audience

Someone performs in a cowboy hat

There’s a great view of Luke Bryan’s ass

It’s obvious that someone is giving a speech drunk

The camera pans to an unimpressed T. Swizzle

Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert look adorable together

Hunter Hayes reminds you of a country Justin Bieber

If you’ve never heard one of the songs being performed

Hard Liquor Rules:

If Miranda Lambert wins anything, take a shot of whiskey

If Eric Church wins anything, take a jag bomb

If Taylor Swift wins anything, chug a soda

If Blake Shelton wins anything, take shots until you’re bombed and then start Tweeting your thoughts about life

If Carrie Underwood wins anything, play slap the bag with a bag of wine

Finish your drink:

When you see someone with a drink in his/her hands

Just for fun, my predictions are Miranda Lambert for Female Vocalist of the Year, Blake Shelton for Male Vocalist of the Year and Taylor Swift (should be Luke Bryan…) for Entertainer of the Year.

What do you think? Not that it matters since you’ll most likely be blacked out by the time these awards start…

Just a Typical Wednesday Night…

Ever have one of those nights you just don’t want to be responsible?

Well, that was last night for us girls at Awkward Vodka. But that really wasn’t our intention at all. Our plan was to go for a walk – Happy (late) National Walking Day, friends – and then go check out the movie Spring Breakers. Sounds like a nice low-key night, right? We started the evening off with a walk – win! But after that is when things started to downward spiral… We has plans to meet our friend S over at Whole Foods to grab dinner at the salad bar because sometimes we pretend to be healthy. And they have the best salad bar in town, hands down.

While waiting for S, we decided to stop over at the Liquor store because… why not? It has been a long week and everyone deserves a glass of wine, especially after an intense walk around the lake.

Did you know they made wine juice boxes? They do! Introducing Bandit wine. Is it amazingly delicious? Mmm not really. It’s ok. But look how convenient? It looks just like that coconut water you can buy in mini boxes, but is way better because it’s alcoholic – duh. And guess what? Whole Foods sells that coconut water – so if we ended up bringing them with us to the store, no one would notice, right? Next think you know, we’re buying three of them and heading over to the salad bar.

After filling our salad containers to the brim, we sat in the eating area of grocery store surrounded by people, stealthily drinking our juice boxes and eating our yummy salads. See the awesome photo below documenting our delicious BYOB dinner? And please note the amazing Katniss braid in the background.

After slamming our “juice boxes” and salads, S realized she left her wallet at work. Our next planned course of action was to go play darts, so before that we had to stop back at the office pick up her forgotten wallet.

While there, we obviously had to leave notes and “really difficult” scavenger hunts for everyone with office supplies – you’re welcome, girls. We hung out for a bit before realizing this is the last place we want to be after work hours so we left…not before stealing some yummy candy from the candy jar and dropping off our spare change in the Monocle Fund of course!

The time was creeping closer to our normal 9:00 p.m. bedtime, but by now we were feeling rebellious so instead of darts, we went to check out a new bar in Uptown Minneapolis – Morrissey’s Irish Pub. I’m cautiously optimistic this place could be a new Cowboy Slims (RIP). My only concern is that it doesn’t seem like the type of place to place country music… However, they did have delicious Vodka Diet Cokes – YUM!

So takeaways from #WastedWednesday:

Buy Bandit wine. It tastes ok, is fairly cheap and can easily hide in your purse.
Avoid work after hours. It’s fun for about 5 minutes and then gets sad and boring.
If you live in the Minneapolis area, check out Morrissey’s Irish Pub in Uptown on Lake St.

Hope you also had a fabulous Wednesday evening!

Unexpected Crushes

I have several weird and unexpected crushes that my friends will never understand. I can’t even completely explain why I love these men so much, but I am oddly attracted to them for some reason. I think it’s that they are lovable, endearing, harmless guys that I can relate to. See for yourself:

Justin Long

Justin Long

Morgan from The Mindy Project

Scott Disick

Phil from Modern Family

Ryan Seacrest

CHRIS HARRISON

Chris Harrison

Andy Dwyer

Andy from Parks and Rec

What are your thoughts? Do you have any weird Hollywood crushes? Let me know!

FOMO

FOMO – “Fear of Missing Out”

Confession time: I suffer from FOMO. Nothing is worse than staying in on a Friday night and then hearing from friends you missed an awesome night out. No refreshed and chipper feeling on a Saturday morning beats months of inside jokes and years of reminiscing over hilarious and embarrassing photos.

I think I’ve had FOMO my entire life. It’s probably what has made me join every organization possible and never miss a high school football game or Friday night of Rollerskating with my girls in 8th grade.

Guess what makes FOMO worse today than in high school? Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Foursquare. Inner monologues on Saturday morning have turned into: “What? Two of my best friends got almost 20+ points on FourSquare last night from all of their check-ins together? And all I did was watch Criminal Minds reruns and fall asleep on the couch at 8:15? Not ok!!”

Do you suffer from FOMO?

Happy Hour: Houlihan’s

Last week I was lucky enough to go to happy hour with three of my favorite gals at Houlihan’s in Richfield. I love going to Happy Hour in Uptown/Downtown, but a.placebetween.us led me to the suburbs…

Side note: Have you ever used the website a.placebetween.us? Use it! It’s fun and super helpful.

Houlihan’s was awesome – I was pleasantly surprised. Before going, I checked out the menu online. I was super excited to see that Houlihan’s offers martini flights for under $10! They looked delicious. Two of us ordered the flights so we were able to try six different types of martinis including a cosmo, key lime pie, chocolate, Adam & Eve Apple, Lemon Drop and a fruity pink one with sugar around the rim. All of them were delicious! My faves were the Lemon Drop and Cosmo.

Best part? They were out of flight glasses, so we got 3 regularly-sized martinis for only $9.25. Other specials included 2-for-1s on wine, beer and rails.

Worst part? I was the only one sitting at the table when they 6 martinis were dropped off so I got a couple laughs and funny looks from the people sitting around me who assumed I ordered 6 martinis for myself! Not saying that would never happen…

That’s a lot of liquor so we also ordered some yummy apps. We ordered spinach dip, nachos and a quesadilla. All were amazing – although this was after 6 glasses of pure liquor 😉

All of us girls agreed the drinks were delicious and the food was good so I definitely suggest heading over to Houlihans for Happy Hour.

CHEERS!

Why Wedding Showers are the Worst

I will never understand the concept of a wedding shower. You have an engagement party, you have a bachelorette party, you have the actual wedding – why must you throw another event in there? It’s just one more thing we have to buy a present for (or in my case, fork out cash because I’m classy and too lazy to look at the registry).

Basically it is a few hours out of your day that are spent awkwardly – and for the most part sober – with “grown-up” ladies we may or may not know. No one wants that. And you know what else no one wants? The “who’s next?” conversation that will inevitably come up. Yes, I know I’m single. Yes, I know my younger cousins/friends/sisters are closer to marriage than me. Yes I know it’s about time I settle down. Please, continue to remind me of all these things. And the worst part? I’m fine being single and 25. But try explaining that to the bride’s grandma…

And the games. Oh the games. Must we really force a group of acquaintances together to play awkward games, like making wedding dresses out of toilet paper, or answering questions like “what was the couple’s third date?” Let’s just skip that part and move straight to cake.

Which brings me to the only redeeming quality bridal showers have – the free delicious snacks and desserts. Unless it’s a potluck, then you’re screwed.

Happy wedding season!